I though it started too fast. Not that I don't like getting too it. But foreplay comes out in my writing. So I would have talked a bit about the dance and life's lead-ins to the dance.

I started liking the story at the breakfast table. I'm up to the part where she is charmed by Lennie's "cocky-funny" technique to flirting -- at the breakfast table.

This is the part where I started to be interested in your writing.

Before that I was interested in your subject, but I was hoping for light details rather than generalities to build the feeling in my mind as if Im not there and have to see it in print, or feel it in braille.

It feels like you were ready to fuck. Take what I say the right way. You wanted to write porn so you got right to it. But gave me no hint of what put you their until you got it out of your system first.

Often we all want to get it on right away, but we put it off for life and let the bet ride gambling on a better timing. And we take hints at porn to see what is there but if it doesn't give us reason we let it pass.

So I would have wanted to know what Venus let her guard down. Not just she was drunk, how did that drink make her do what she wanted or more simply more somehow.

I like that they didn't know each others names til after mami and daddie got it on.

Also, as someone who is more lesbian than gay I wonder why ref male arch types 'caveman' 'daddie' 'feel him inside me' counter intuitive. Feel her handsome or agressive attitude inside me. But her no, not with a prosthetic limb.

let me know.

I took the time to comment- get happy, angry or something. Dead air on a channel makes the listenier think noone is at the station braodcasting. This is your channel.